Word has come down from the NFL brass about the state of one of the league’s best quarterbacks, and it is a fact that will make some fans cringe, and others (everyone but Colts fans) rejoice: Peyton Manning will most likely miss all of the 2011 season.

With his second neck surgery of the year happening just yesterday, the need for healing and rehabilitation makes Manning’s return doubtful, as the Colts will most likely be out of playoff contention at his earliest possible return, so the focus for Colts management is to make sure he is 100% for his remaining 3 contracted years.

Non-Colts fans, particularly those with teams in the AFC South, may already be celebrating wins on their game schedule, but the celebration is not without terror for the National Football League and its fans, for with the fall of Peyton Manning comes a domino effect of activity that may destroy the world as we know it.

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1) AFC South Story-lines Will Probably Revolve Around Rogaine

With Peyton out of the picture and Jacksonville on a trial basis with Luke McCown and Blaine Gabbert, the prolific quarterbacks of the division will rest on the heads of a “this is your future” tandem with Matt Hasselbeck and Matt Schaub. Unless, of course, we are lucky enough to see Kerry Collins go down in flames to give Curtis Painter a shot to bring home a win.

We won’t hold our breath.

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2) The New England Patriots will Have More Time to Construct Brady-Bot 3.0

If anyone knows how dismal a season can become after losing their starting quarterback, it is the New England Patriots and their 2008 season, which is why MIT technicians will be working tirelessly on a Tom Brady replacement in case the real Brady gets injured.

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3) Eli Manning

After his statements about being in the same quarterback tier as Tom Brady, Eli Manning will now be able to state that he is the best Manning in football today. And he will be correct. The end is near.

It gets worse. Remember this guy?

Of course you do. Brett Favre holds that annoying record for most consecutive NFL games started at quarterback at 297. Peyton Manning was coming on strong at 208. now that he’s out, guess who’s next in line to make sure this record stays as useless as possible?

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4) Colts Fans will Become Infuriated and Begin to Spread a Zombie Plague

They say there is no rage like a fan losing a star player in a sport. Try losing the only star player in your city. It is believed that the anguish of Colts fans will force them into solitary confinement, surviving on only bread and cheese. As these items become moldy but still eaten, a virus will manifest within their bodies. When fans see their team decimated by the Patriots in December, their immune systems will shut down completely, turning the entire city of Indianapolis into a zombie city at the core of the United States of America, leading to a rapid spread that will make The Walking Dead a reality.

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So go ahead and laugh at Peyton Manning’s misfortune, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.