I don’t like the idea of a new Spiderman.

That’s right, I said it. I don’t want to see a new Spiderman. Is this racist because the new up-and-coming hero of Marvel’s Ultimate Spiderman is a half black, half hispanic teenager named Miles Morales? Some people believe so, but just because Glenn Beck opens his fat mouth and retardation seems to fall out doesn’t mean that all comic book fans opposed to a new Spiderman are racist. Racism is born from ignorance, and the ignorant can barely read.

So let’s break down my opinion: I don’t like the idea of a new Spiderman. It’s generic. No race, color, or creed in sight.

But what if I change this sentence: I don’t like the idea of a black Spiderman. That’s racist, because there is a theme that you don’t like the new Spiderman because he is black(well, multi-racial).

Now what if I say, “I don’t like the idea of the new black Spiderman.” Things get complicated. You need to add an asterisk to that proclamation, and explain why. If you don’t choose your words right, you’re labeled racist. If you do say the right words, you’re labeled close-minded. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t, but I’ll explain anyway.

Comic book fans are a community of geeks, and I mean that in the most respectable way possible. When they latch onto a character, they obsess over that character’s traits, flaws, and actions, staying awake late at night playing the possibilities of the next book over and over in their heads. At least, that’s what I did with Spiderman, Batman, and The Punisher, to name a few. A comic book fan is inspired by their heroes of choice so much that they want to become them, fight their villains, sleep with their women(or men), but since they can’t, they live through them by doing what they can: dressing up in costumes and reading.

The first comic book I was ever given was The Amazing Spiderman #289, where the original Hobgoblin is unmasked. From then on, I was hooked. When I finally started getting an allowance a few years later, I was at the comic book store every 4 weeks picking up the latest issue of The Amazing Spiderman, fiending to see what would happen next. I only stopped when Todd McFarlane came out with his own Spiderman series, a more bloody and graphic portrayal of the web-slinger, but it was still my Spiderman, Peter Parker in all his glory. Eventually, when comic book companies began restarting story-lines, creating alternative universes, and sending characters into the future, I lost interest, and now only buy sets of books and graphic novels if I hear really good things.

So when I first heard about this latest incarnation of Spiderman, my first thought was, “Peter Parker is dead? DAMMIT!!” It was like a piece of my childhood died. The witty superhero that used to entertain me for years was gone. That nostalgia was quickly replaced by suspicion of Marvel. I was part of this type of marketing before. DC killed off Superman in a 15 or so issue crossover, launched books for about 5 different Supermen that were trying to take the place of the original, and at the end of it all Clark Kent pops out of a cocoon with a bikini and yelled, “Surprise!” Yeah, that was pretty shitty, but it showed what happens when you kill off a beloved superhero and then try to replace them with a new person with the same name: utter chaos.

It doesn’t matter to (probably) most of us that the new Spiderman is black, white, paisley, or fucking grayscale. It’s a new person DRESSING UP as Spiderman and taking his legacy. Why? Because comic book companies need to turn a profit, and they’re too lazy and cheap to try and turn us onto a new character. I can only guess that young Morales gains Peter Parker’s powers because Peter went rabid and bit the kid while he was dying. Don’t laugh, comic writers have done worse.

You want to make a minority superhero for the kids to look up to? Great! Do it! Some of my favorite superheroes are/were black, reverse racism be damned.

Spawn

 

Deathlok(Michael Collins)

 

Green Lantern(John Stewart)

 

Storm

 

The whole idea of retelling the Spiderman story over again in the book in question, Ultimate Spiderman, is bad enough, while there are still 3 or 4 other Spiderman series telling different stories, each barely caring what the others’ do except when Marvel needs to push sales on all the books and has a crossover segment.

You know what? Fuck it. Let the kid be Spiderman. This turned into Star Wars: Episode I-III ten years ago, and there’s no saving it for the die-hard fans.

Just a warning to the meathead nazis out there: it’s not going to fail because of Miles Morales. It’s going to fail because the writers killed off Spiderman, and now have to scramble to make a soap opera of a reason why someone is wearing the red and blue.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

5 thoughts on “Black, White, Green or Paisley, A New Spiderman was Asking for this Heat”
  1. Nice piece. I agree with most of what you wrote. I think the confusion over what’s racist and what’s not is deeper than a few, scrambled words. Ignoring the NEED to describe a character when he’s non-Eurocentric (Peter Parker was never referred to as the “White Spiderman”, after all), some of the fans have taken to using slurs and spreading hate, which isn’t cool. And soundbytes like “the Black Spiderman” only help them out. Some White men are always so confused on what to say when it comes to people of color. It’s simple: call a man a man, and ignore the ignorant desire to do otherwise. Unfortunately, Miles Morales wasn’t even given the small courtesy that Peter Parker was. And is that a racial thing? It only can be. Yes, ignorant people can’t read, but they love pretty pictures, and comics are full of them. I guess I’ll always wonder just what the response from the comic world and the world-world would have been if the kid underneath that mask was White. If he’d be given more of a chance, despite not being Parker, simply for sharing Parker’s features. I’ll never know. But I do know this: Miles is one of the best things that could have happened to those of us and friends of those of us who don’t live our lives in Limited Editions, or as best friends or sidekicks. You identified with Peter. Now, my little cousins might have the chance to grow up with a Spiderman THEY identify with. And what can be wrong with that? Blessings, my friend.

  2. I get what you’re saying. The further I got into this piece, I started wondering how i could be such an asshole fan-boy, but to delve into that would have made this into a thesis paper. I know deep down that my childhood Spiderman has been long dead since I stopped buying the books. I took the lessons I learned and grew up with them to make myself a(tongue in cheek) better person . And who am I to begrudge your little cousins that same medium of learning with a superhero they can identify with because of my asinine nostalgia?

  3. Let me put this frankly: If you haven’t been reading (or have never read) Ultimate Spider-Man I say to you this: Quiet your mouth. Either get out and read Bendis’s just note-perfect take on Spider-Man unencumbered by 58 years of continuity, or just be quiet. Because this new Spider-Man won’t make any sense to you regardless of race. I have absolutely no love for the Ultimate Marvel Universe outside of Spider-Man, but c’mon… This is not *your* Spider-Man. It never has been. The Peter Parker who died last month is not the one you knew (and who keeps on with quite delightful adventures in MU proper), but a Peter Parker who frankly had to die to make sense as a character.

    As an aging white comic-nerd, I’m damned excited for Miles Morales. Not just because I trust Bendis. Not just because I started thinking “Man, Donald Glover *would* make an amazing Peter Parker on screen”, but because I’m ready to see that legacy in the hands of someone who is aspiring to something greater than guilt and responsibility. Just like Wally West post Crisis was a better Flash than Barry Allen ever was, Miles is being set up to be one hell of a Spider-Man.

  4. All it is, is a marketing ploy. Sorry, Ultimate line of spider-man is terrible. It always has been terrible and full of stupid gimmicks, this is no surprise. Just about every Ultimate line is terrible. It feels like reading fan-fiction websites.

    I seem to recall a certain series of comics called What If? Those were bad too.

  5. For the record; there is no such thing as “reverse racism,” there is only racism.

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