St. Louis, MO: For what seems like 5 years, the anticipated royal wedding between Prince William and Catherine Middleton has loomed larger and larger. Now, in its final week, the world stops in order to become a bridezilla itself, making note of horse colors, bridesmaids’ underwear selection, and the gravel to rock ratio in the driveway of Buckingham Palace.
Luckily, the wedding, which is likely to last 4 or 5 days, will be over soon, making way for the least anticipated wedding of the past few decades next week. Following the creation of Calliam/Witherine, the non-royal coupling of James Guffler and Stacey Anderson of Saint Louis, Missouri is to be celebrated next weekend, keeping gossip, style, and entertainment magazines off their toes for the boring details of the entire affair.
In an interview with The Inept Owl’s Larry Blitzer, the couple discussed how their wedding is just as exciting as a British royal wedding.
“People think that prince and his girl are going to look all fancy in their gold-trimmed carriage while they’re escorted through the streets of London by a fleet of gray horses,” said Miss Anderson. “Psh. This is the 21st century, dummies. You want fancy? James got his brother to lend us his cherry red ’69 Camaro to drive us to the reception at Friday’s. That’s got class written all over it.”
When Blitzer asked if they would have an entire governmental branch give their blessing to the union at their church, Mr. Guffler replied, “Well, yeah. A judge is marrying us, so I guess that’s some sort of governmental thing, right? But it won’t be in any church. I had a bit of a problem in graveyards, and Stacey’s been married 3 times before. Let’s just say the ‘Chapel of the Holy Union’ needed to take a break from us.”
Fashion is also a theme that has been focused on in the Guffler/Anderson union. While Prince William and Kate Middleton may have had their wedding attire designed from scratch while a hundred housemaids spun the yarn to create the fabric for each, Miss Anderson had a different approach. “Who needs to wait around for clothes? That’s why we have clothing stores. I’m not allowed to wear white, so I’m wearing a pink cocktail dress with a matching veil that I got from Frederick’s of Hollywood a couple years ago. James got his tux from Target, right honey? See, those Brits just don’t understand. Style is everywhere. When something is ‘in style’ , you don’t have to wait for it. Just nab it off the shelf!”
Blitzer also asked if any celebrities would be attending their wedding, like how Sir Elton John, David Beckham, and possibly Pauley Shore would be attending William and Kate’s. “Well, I did invite the guy that wears the mouse costume at Chuck E. Cheese’s, but I don’t know if he’s gonna show,” remarked James. “Then there’s Aunt Bobby and her boyfriend. Aunt Bobby hasn’t been been to any family events since she was a he, so I guess that’s big news.”