Hollywood, CA: For a little over half a century, a new sort of cultural musician has gained recognition. Whether by using a guitar, piano, hammer, or merely singing in the shower with a waterproof tape recorder, these individuals have made an art-form of what may become its own award at the Grammy’s.
That category, of course, is musical coattail riders.
The first documented report of this art-form was in 1968, when the legendary Yoko Ono got involved with The Beatles. Her use of a hammer lead John Lennon to allow her to help him shape multiple songs to the “B-Sides” of The White Album, leading her to believe she had musical talent. This belief led to duo projects between Ono and Lennon, and stage performances featuring Yoko Ono throwing daisies while spinning on her head while Lennon played. Upon Lennon’s death, the Yoko Syndrome was created, where the music of legendary bands became tied up in litigation battles with widows. (see also Courtney Love)
The second popular occurrence of spousal coattail riding had to do with the aforementioned Courtney Love. As the frontwoman for the band Hole, Miss Love may be the most respected coattail rider in this grouping, as she had musical, however minimal, before meeting her spousal legend, Kurt Cobain of Nirvana fame. Miss Love’s band gained national recognition for one whole album, until Kurt’s death and the Yoko Syndrome set in, causing Courtney Love to become a musical pariah. An eventual comeback later on is currently a failure.
Zooey Deschanel, mediocre actress-turned-musician, had a different approach. After becoming involved with Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard, Ms. Deschanel believed that she was just as depressed as her husband, and could easily sing about it, thus creating the duo She & Him with Matthew Ward. Amusingly, the band gained international recognition, while many critics are amazed that only 2 or 3 songs are covers after listening to the whole album. Their second album was released last year.
Most recently, the world was shocked at the latest coattail rider, as it claimed a spouse that actually has talent in her other, more focal, art-form: Gwyneth Paltrow.
While many believed Paltrow may end up in an all-nude hippie march on the White House after marrying Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and naming their first child Apple Blythe Alison and their second child Moses Bruce Anthony, the actress continued to stay the course, working on films such as Running with Scissors and the Iron Man franchise.
Tragedy struck, however, when Gwyneth Paltrow wrote a song for the unknown film Country Strong, which then led to recording sessions, on role on the FOX musical Glee, a performance at The Grammy’s, and the possibility of a full length album.
This latest loss to the musical coattail world has led to our own editor’s angst. “Gwyneth used to be #2 behind Kate Beckinsale, you know? She was the hot blonde with a brain,” explained editor-in-chief Patrick Emmel. “Now, with Moses, and country music while being British,* I…I can’t even speak. I’m broken up inside.”
*Due to the over-watching of Emma, our editor mistook Ms. Paltrow as being of British origin