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Gay Marriage is the Gateway Marriage

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Conservative groups against gay marriage are typically known for using Bible passages in their arguments. However, Bob Bordus of the Straight Marriage for Maryland group has finally added a new argument in the anti-gay marriage arsenal.

“Gay marriage is the gateway marriage. Just like marijuana is the gateway drug,” said Bordus during a testimony he gave before the Maryland legislature. “If gay marriage is made legal, it won’t be long before all sorts of marriages are made legal. People will be trying to marry robots!”

Bordus went into passionate detail regarding the possibility of marriage between heterosexuals and robosexuals during his testimony: “The heathen scientific community has made huge strides in the realm of artificial intelligence! It won’t be long before there won’t be any difference between our world and what we see in the sci-fi movies! There will be robots walking among us! Interacting with us! And sinners will undoubtedly want to have robot lovers sticking robotic instruments into their God-given orifices! It is wrong, wrong, wrong! And then, what’s next?! Marriage to animals? Will humans be marrying their bacon instead of eating it?! This is what gay marriage will lead to!”

Many people found Bordus’s testimony to be offensive.

“The realms of robotics and artificial intelligence have made advances in numerous areas of life,” said robotics engineer Dr. Marie C. Pee Yoow. “Because of our research, we have been able to provide artificial limbs to injured veterans. Because of our research, drones can fly aircraft into dangerous zones. Because of our research, robots can disable bombs instead of humans. Bordus’s argument is ridiculous.”

Max Johnson, a pot enthusiast from Lake Tahoe, was also offended by Bordus’s argument. “Marijuana is not a gateway drug, man. I’ve been smoking pot for ten years and have no desire to try anything else. It’s the only drug for me, man. I smoke it every day, man.”

Others found the possibility of robot romance to be tempting.

“I already wish I could marry my battery-operated-boyfriend!” laughed Carly Hansford of Jacksonville, FL. “I mean, he gets the job done and there’s no relationship drama! So I’m definitely down for having a robot boyfriend!”

Pee Kin Wong of Shanghai is also interested in the prospect of robot romance. “I have already drawn the blueprint for a robotic replica of my favorite anime character, Su Linn Magasakawawa from the Blue Ninja Pumpkins series. I plan to marry her as soon as I work out some issues with her robotic psyche.”

“Can I gets one dat looks like Jenna Jameson?” asked Willy Barnes of Mobile, Alabama. “I’d divorce my wife for dat kinda robot!”

Gay marriage legislation is currently before the Maryland legislature. In a press release, government officials assured the citizens of Maryland that the legislation does not include human-robot marriage, nor interspecies marriage of any kind.

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