As the year 2011 becomes a reality for all of us (apart from the USA which insists on 1120, for still unexplained reasons- what is it with you guys and your crazy dating scheme?), I don’t mind telling you that I’m worried. That’s because I’m a European and I’m innocent of all crimes committed on  American shores.

The worst of it is that I most certainly have not ever committed rape in Sweden or any other Scandanavian country, and so I am at the most risk. There is no tangible evidence, at least not the sort that would stand up in any real court, and it is this fact coupled with my absolute innocence of any crime whatsoever that is the scariest thing for me.

Andy Warhol version 2.0?

In my Journalistic capacity, I must never be content until I have searched out the truth behind every big story, ignored it, and then made up loads of rude jokes about bottoms and toilet products. But when it comes down to the bottom line, the real basic right to free speech and freedom of information, am I prepared to face years on death-row for multiple rape charges on the grounds of …hang on…what the hell has a possible rape in Sweden got to do with the USA judicial system ? Hey USA, here’s a good idea..why don’t you just fuck off!

No offence to you lovely USA citizens. It’s the actions of your Government that is so objectionable, using the classic Magicians trick of diverting attention from the real action, by accusing someone of rape in Scandanavia. I mean, how many of us were playing a version of ‘where’s Wally’ for two weeks, trying to guess who was hidng Julian Assange rather than reacting to ‘that helicopter video’ ? I know I was, really it works, and I was born cynical.

Don’t get me wrong, if Assange is, in fact, guilty of rape, then to hell with him and let him rot in some dark corner of some dark cell somewhere. The lack of criminal charges emminating from the actual country where the attack is alleged to have taken place should tell the USA Government, and anybody else who cares to look, that there are no charges to answer. No case was brought because no chargeable evidence exists, regardless of how many secrets Assange has let out of the bag.

Being guilty of passing on information does not make one a rapist. I checked in the Oxford English Dictionary, and there seems to be no connection betwen the two activities. But what do they know, it’s not as if they’re experts on language or anything.

So ‘Hoorah’ to the death of International Law at the whim of an American President, oh hang on, didn’t we all do this before? Of course we did, when old Gee Dubya went to war with Saddam, remember?

Yeah, us Brits ran along behind you with Tony Blair neck deep in Bush-butt. But surely, this is Obama. A NEW kind of President, transparency, honesty, justice.

Yeah yeah yeah, sometimes it can be good to be born cynical. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Because I did. Several times.

Enjoy your freedom.