In a near-dawn hunting excursion in the northern part of her native Alaska, Mrs. Palin caught sight of eight reindeer in the sky, with a large cargo being towed behind them. Sensing that flying caribou could be a fantastic trophy to hang above her fireplace mantel, Sarah took 10 shots from her rifle. 7 of those shots were killshots, 1 missed, and two shots took down the last of the reindeer.
When the hunting party came upon the downed reindeer, the cargo they were pulling was nowhere to be seen. However, the red and green harnesses decorated with bells that were attached to the reindeer and a bloody red-and-white stocking cap point to the possibility that these were the reindeer travelling unit of Mr. Santa N. Claus, resident of the North Pole.
“See what happens when you don’t have strict hunting seasons? Animals get hurt, people disappear, and for what, a pair of antlers and some venison?” exclaimed local hippie Candace Starflower. “It makes me sick. and to think that this was all caught live for some lame reality TV show.”
“It’s not my gosh-darned fault, boy howdy,” stated Sarah Palin in her defense. “It’s hunting season. Accidents happen. And you know what, he wasn’t cleared for this airspace in the first place. We have the radio frequency of air traffic control of this area on at all times, and there was no mention of a fat man flying around by a train of reindeer. For all I know, it could’ve been the North Koreans. I’ve seen a lot of funny business from them outside my window.”
NORAD denies any fault in administering knowledge of Santa’s sleigh ride to any air traffic sectors. “It’s the time of year. Our Santa-Tracker is fully functional for the world to see,” exclaimed NORAD engineer Toby Hunt. “That she would say she didn’t hear anything about it is ridiculous.”
Oddly, the Santa-Tracker is still following something. It is possible that Santa had a contingency plan, and his sleigh could actually fly itself by rocket fuel. It is also possible that someone else is now flying with the Santa-Tracker unit. Tim Allen and Vince Vaughn were unavailable for comment.