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NFL Powder Puff Picks: Week 9

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Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some sharp commentary to key games. Our token British guy still has the lead, Darby and Steve continue to stay at the brink, and bottom-feeder Rick Bernardo is back to barely picking anything right. 

  

Sunday, November 7th, 2010 

VS

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Atlanta Falcons

LINE: Falcons (ATL) by 9

Steve Elle 

Who would have known that calling yourself the best team in the conference in an effort to instill confidence in the youngest team in the league would result in such rhetoric and attention? The Bucs at least backed it up with an entertaining win in AZ. Now comes the real test against the Falcons in a battle of 5-2 teams for the NFC South division lead. Josh Freeman (not to mention Raheem Morris) is making some believers out of haters. And the Bucs are showing signs of an actual rushing attack with rookie Lagerrette (Frazier) Blount. As usual it will come down to the Bucs D. If they have a good day the Bucs should win. If they don’t, the Bucs should win by less. Pick: Bucs-WIN 

Darby Shaw: Pick: Bucs-WIN 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Bucs-WIN 

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Falcons-LOSS   

  

  

VS

Chicago Bears @ Buffalo Bills

LINE: Bears (CHI) by 3

Rob Wheatley 

Did you know that if you ask for the Bill in any resteraunt you will be socially acceptable..but if you ask for the Bear, a large animal will come out from the kitchen and rip your face off with just one swipe…That’s nature ! Pick: Bears-LOSS  

Darby Shaw: Pick: Bears-LOSS 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Bears-LOSS 

Steve Elle: Pick: Bills-WIN 

  

   

  

VS 

New England Patriots @ Cleveland Browns

LINE: Patriots (NWE) by 5

Rick Bernardo 

The city of Cleveland has had no love for Bill Belichick in the past, after his stellar coaching made the old Browns high-tail it to Baltimore to become the Ravens. This time, the city is probably hoping Belichick chases this team out of town, to make room for a Waffle House, or a Lingerie League team. Pick: Patriots-LOSS 

Darby Shaw: Pick: Patriots-LOSS 

Steve Elle: Pick: Patriots-LOSS   

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Patriots-LOSS   

  

   

   

VS

New York Jets @ Detroit Lions

LINE: Jets (NYJ) by 5

Steve Elle 

In the wholly predictable world of the NFL no one would have predicted last week’s outcome in the Jets/Packers game. No TD’s? Jets shut out at home? The Packer’s undermanned and bullied defense outplaying the Jets vaunted D? As the cliché goes, that’s why they play the game. And so they will play this weeks game. Even though the Lions have no chance in hell against the mighty Jets of New Jersey, though they will have many chances against the Jets in Detroit. Lions in a physical upset. Pick: Lions-WIN  

Darby Shaw: Pick: Lions-WIN  

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Lions-WIN 

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Lions-WIN  

  

  

   

VS

Arizona Cardinals @ Minnesota Vikings

LINE: Vikings (MIN) by 9

Rob Wheatley 

The great thing about Cardinals and Vikings (Wikings) is that they both wear dresses !!! hahahahahaha! Bellends !! Arizona though, I don’t know how the hell they find that many Cardinals there, surely too hot to worship..but what do I know, I’m an infidel? Cardinals gonna do some crucifiction on the Vikings collective Asses !! Pick: Cardinals-WIN   

Darby Shaw: Pick: Vikings-LOSS 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Cardinals-WIN 

Steve Elle: Pick: Vikings-LOSS   

  

   

VS

New Orleans Saints @ Carolina Panthers

LINE: Saints (NOR) by 7 

Rick Bernardo 

A painful field presence; horrible audibles; twice as many picks as touchdowns; a 1-6 record. No, Jake Delhomme didn’t return to the Panthers. This is the tried and true veteran that coach John Fox believed would take Jimmy Clausen under his wing and breed him into a fine franchise quarterback: Matt….(where’s my roster report? Ah, here it is)….Moore! Pick: Saints-WIN   

Darby Shaw: Pick: Saints-WIN 

Steve Elle: Pick: Saints-WIN  

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Saints-WIN   

  

   

VS

Miami Dolphins @ Baltimore Ravens

LINE: Ravens (BAL) by 5

Rob Wheatley 

Skippy, skippy, skippy the BUSH kangaroooo….hang on, this game is about a Dolphin…They call him Flipper, Flipper, he’s a fliipin flipper…etc…. But Raven’s can fly, and Dolphins can’t… (BUSH….hahahahaha) Pick: Dolphins-LOSS  

 Darby Shaw: Pick: Dolphins-LOSS 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Ravens-WIN 

Steve Elle: Pick: Dolphins-LOSS   

  

   

VS

San Diego Chargers @ Houston Texans

LINE: Chargers(SDG) by 3

Darby Shaw: Pick: Texans-LOSS 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Texans-LOSS 

Steve Elle: Pick: Chargers-WIN  

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Chargers-WIN  

  

   

VS

New York Giants 2 Seattle Seahawks

LINE: Giants (NYG) by 7

Darby Shaw 

Dear Seahawks: Screw you. You win games you should lose, and you lose games you should win. I mean, c’mon. You beat the Chargers, but you can only score six points, combined, against the Rams and Raiders? I’m tired of you making me look like an idiot. You’re probably the main reason I’m losing to the British guy. Pick: Giants-WIN 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Giants-WIN 

Steve Elle: Pick: Giants-WIN  

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Giants-WIN   

  

  

   

VS

Kansas City Chiefs @ Oakland Raiders

LINE: Raiders (OAK) by 3

 Rick Bernardo 

This is one game I wouldn’t want to miss on television, but only if a few key football factors are present. 1) Rich Gannon is one of the analysts. 2) Whoever is doing the play-by-play yells “Marty Schottenheimer” and “Jon Gruden” over and over while Gannon tries to explain his game theories. Pick: Raiders-LOSS  

Darby Shaw: Pick: Chiefs-WIN  

Steve Elle: Pick: Raiders-LOSS  

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Chiefs-WIN   

  

  

  

  

VS

Indianapolis Colts @ Philadelphia Eagles

LINE: Eagles (PHI) by 3 

  

Darby Shaw 

The Eagles by three? Seriously? Even Rick Bernardo has to be licking his chops at that line. Somebody in Vegas was obviously drunk when they looked at this game. Then again, it’s Vegas. Everyone there is drunk pretty much all the time. Pick: Colts-WIN 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Colts-WIN  

Steve Elle: Pick: Colts-WIN  

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Colts-WIN   

  

   

  

VS

Dallas Cowboys @ Green Bay Packers

LINE: Packers (GNB) by 9

Darby Shaw 

Jerry Jones, two weeks ago: “Wade Phillips job is safe for the year.” Jerry Jones, this week: “Old boy better start polishin’ up his resumé.” Here’s a good rule of thumb: if an owner has to tell the media that a coach’s job is safe for the year… his job isn’t safe for the year. Pick: Packers-WIN 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Packers-WIN 

Steve Elle: Pick: Packers-WIN  

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Packers-WIN   

  

  

  

  

Monday, November 8th, 2010 

VS

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cincinnati Bengals

LINE: Steelers (PIT) by 5

Steve Elle 

The Steelers were manhandled by the Saints. The Bengals were manhandled by whomever they played last (meaning basically any NFL team). This sets up an interesting game for these two denizens of the Central division. So much drama in the passing game. T.O, O.C, T.P…. T.P. in this case does not refer to toilet paper but rather to Troy Polomalu. And to add to that motley crew we have Ben Rothlisberger facing up against Adam (formerly known as Pac Man) Jones – at least when the Bengal’s are in the nickel, and of course James (I’d retire if I could get a security guard gig that paid me millions of dollars) Harrison. Roger Goodell should stay away from this game lest he is forced to follow through on this attempt at humor during last week’s interview with Suzie Kolber: 

 Suzie: Commish, I have to ask: boxers or briefs? 

Roger G: Depends… [beat

 Both laugh. 

 Depends, indeed. 

 Pick: Bengals-LOSS  

Darby Shaw: Pick: Steelers-WIN 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Steelers-WIN 

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Steelers-WIN  

  

   

  

  

RECORDS

This Week 

Darby Shaw: 8-5

Rick Bernardo: 9-4

Steve Elle: 8-5

Rob Wheatley: 9-4

Total 

Rob Wheatley: 78-52 

Darby Shaw: 74-56 

Steve Elle: 74-56 

Rick Bernardo: 69-61

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As the managing editor of The Inept Owl, Patrick has sworn to uphold the honor and integrity of hard-hitting journalism...but only on Sundays at 10am.

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