Aries

ARIES

Your instincts for finding new hot spots are driving you to get out in the world and learn even more about it. However, when a homeless crack addict wearing raccoons for shoes, a bandana, and nothing else warns you “that neighborhood is sketchy”, you might want to take heed.

 

 


Taurus

TAURUS

Focus on the spirit behind actions today, but don’t use angles to judge — no one is perfect, except for Kate Beckinsale, so remember that.

 

 

 


Gemini

GEMINI

Get a conversation going with an old friend. You were engaged in social networking long before you ever touched a phone or a laptop. Remember speech? Your first words definitely weren’t typed into a keyboard and read out loud by a computer-modulated voice. Unless you are a mute. Then…sorry ’bout that.

 

 


Cancer

CANCER

If you’ve been struggling to recall a name or date or other detail, you find that your brain is up to the task. In fact, your memory is so strong that you might remember some vital task before the last possible minute! But then you’ll forget it again. That’s how it goes with Alzheimer’s Disease.

 

 

 

 

 


Leo

LEO

Your talent for picking up new info and new learning tools is legendary, and today you’re showing off your best side. Unfortunately, if your company still doesn’t know what “PC Load Letter” means, and can’t seem to figure out what button to press to turn a computer on, chances are your talents aren’t as great as you figured.

 

 


Virgo

VIRGO

Your energy levels are quite high, though you may be just a bit out of sync with your people.

(Editor’s Note: What do you mean, “your people?!”)

 

 


Libra

LIBRA

There’s a limit to what you can do for other people, and you’ll reach it today when you say the words, “I don’t do anal.”

 

 

 

 


Scorpio

SCORPIO

Maps and other detail-oriented items challenge your patience this weekend. Perhaps you would be better off taking a few sick days and playing with a ball of yarn.

 

 

 

 


Sagittarius

 SAGITTARIUS

If you feel lost about which step to take next, just keep going forward for now. Unless there is a cougar in your path, the you may want to side-step around it.

 

 

 

 


Capricorn

CAPRICORN

Give yourself more credit than you have been; you know exactly what you’re doing. Mad, they call you…

 

 

 

 


Aquarius

AQUARIUS

Someone needs help, and you’re the only one around who knows what to do. So pester them until they let you help them; lock their office door, spike their coffee with Kahlua, whatever it takes to help them let you help them.

 

 

 


Pisces

PISCES

Any obstacles that pop up today will be like bugs on your windshield. If those obstacles happen to be people, you may want to make sure you’re not driving on the sidewalk. Wiper fluid sloshes blood around way too much.