In a time when England is already feeling the highly anticipated embarrassment caused by its national Hairdressing, sorry, Soccer team, and suffering the brunt of President Obama’s scathing attack on BP , it seems that it is third time unlucky, as once again the USA stomps its hefty foot on this small green Island.
Barack Obama, not content with blaming the British for the oil spill off the coast of Florida, has now made additional verbal attacks on the UK Government for its Emergency Budget, designed to get the country back on its feet following the US (sorry, World) banking crisis.
It seems that the UK Government’s idea of cutting the legs off the poor in order to prop up the hard work done by Bank Executives has not been too popular.
Instead, the President’s view seems to be that Britain needs to dig itself out of this hole by using a bigger spade: not by cutting public spending and increasing taxes, (as suggested by the UK Government), but simply by spending more and more money we don’t have…hang on…isn’t this how the banking crisis started ? Oh well, let’s just gloss over that for the moment, I mean, why let facts get in the way of a bit of Political cock-fighting ?
Like the fact BP is just a name, and is actually majority Dutch owned, or the fact that America is just a name and is actually majority owned by the Chinese…as I say, why let the facts get in the way of good press ?
Oh, and wiley we’re on the subject, the invasion of Iraq seems to be a much bigger environmental Oil disaster than the Gulf of Mexico. Fair enough, not as many fluffy seabirds may have been caught in the crossfire, but then again 100,000 dead civilians, including many, many Women and Children doesn’t have quite the “aaaaaahh” factor as a slightly greasy Goose.
As a counter measure, newly unelected British half-Prime Minister David Cameron has taken radical emergency steps to try and protect Britain’s great International reputation and restore National pride.
Step 1 : BP will now become known as FP, or French Petroleum.
Step 2 : The football / soccer team formerly known as ‘England’ will be renamed ‘France’, and any players returning from the World Cup tournament will be shot on sight upon entering British Sovereign territory.
Step 3 : The Prime Minister will now be referred to as ‘ M. Le Grande Dave’ in an attempt to make him seem more…well, French, and will only ever be photographed when wearing a stripey shirt and a string of onions around his neck.
M. Le Grande Dave apparently telephoned Obama this week to express his utter humiliation at being slated so publicly , but was put on hold for almost an hour while a recorded voice repeated ‘your call is important to us’..Underground reports here suggest that President Obama could be heard snickering in the background and putting on a comedy posh accent and asking for a ‘cup of tea’..