Washington, DC: Years after the dawn of the Internet, and long after the rise of the social networking craze, conservatives are finally getting with the technological program.
Within the next few weeks, yet another online social networking site will be launched. Dubbed “Radical Repubs”, it will be a gathering place for cyberspace conservatives.
“Most of the Internet is liberal,” stated Radical Repubs founder Carl “Bubba” Richmond. “It’s high time we conservatives put a stop to the liberal nonsense that’s surfin’ the cyberwaves.”
Richmond explains that Radical Repubs will be like “Facebook for conservatives.” However, there will be a few differences:
·Members’ profiles will be scrutinized and, if deemed appropriate, censored before being made public. There will be no tolerance of anyone who is interested in members of the same sex, subscribes to any religion other than Christianity, and is of any race other than Caucasian. If a member decides to list their interests, they must be approved beforehand to ensure they are not too liberal in nature.
·There will not be games like Farmville or Café World. Members, however, can play Hang the Heretic, Capture the Fag, Big Oil-ville, Evolution Wars, and Duck Hunt with Dick Cheney.
·Like Facebook, there will be quizzes. However, members will not be able to quiz themselves on what Sex & the City character they most resemble or which teenage vampire they are destined to be spend eternity with. Instead, they can test themselves on their gun knowledge and Bible expertise.
·Also similar to Facebook, members will be able to create groups. These groups will be highly monitored, however, to ensure that all discussion topics contain a certain degree of hatred, ignorance, and irrationalism.
·There will not be fan pages for bands or actors. All fan pages will be for various Republicans, CEOs with deep pockets, religious figures, Sarah Palin, and Creed.
·Members will not be able to upload any photos or videos unless they contain the American Flag and/or pictures of aborted fetuses.
·There will be no linking to external sites (unless approved) because “most of the Internet is run by evil liberals,” as stated by Richmond.
To join Radical Repubs, members will have to pay a fee—or make a blood sacrifice to Rush Limbaugh.
Tea Party groups sprouting up across the areas of the United States that have all but been taken seriously criticized Radical Repubs for not being radical enough. When asked if they would start their own Tea Party networking site, vocal supporter Trent Hollister answered, “You Libs think you’re so smart on the internets. But if internet voting was a good means of electing a president, Ron Paul would have been elected 500,000 times over.”
(article inspired by the GOP and /b/ . Let The Rapture commence.)