Stephenie Meyer Mails In New Vampire Book

Meg Anne | March 31, 2010 | 0 Comments

Los Angeles, CA: Stephenie Meyer, the super-rich author of the Twilight series, has unveiled plans to publish The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, a 192-page novella centered on a newborn vampire introduced in the third Twilight novel, Eclipse, in June. Meyer, who has made tens of millions of dollars off of her sub-standard vampire novels and who can’t seem to write anything but books about vampires, admitted to writing the book in a very short time.

“This book took me approximately one week to write,” she said. “It doesn’t take long to write a book stephanie meyer that’s pretty much a Danielle Steele novel with sparkly vampires.”

Fans of the Twilight series are undaunted by Meyer’s admission. Fans of deer-eating sparkle-fiends and that Native American from Poltergeist II are already lining up outside of local bookstores throughout the country to wait for their copies, even though the release date is more than two months away.

Alexandra Wenton, a 33-year-old unemployed mother of six, has already sent up a tent outside of her local Barnes & Noble in Des Moines, Iowa. Her children, ranging in age from 2 to 12, are currently staying with friends, relatives, and acquaintances.

“There’s not enough room in the tent for all of us, so I put my kids up with other people. I’ll pick them up in June,” she exclaimed proudly.

Her tent neighbor, Barbara Dickman, a 52-year-old self-described spinster, sees nothing wrong with this. “Um, hello, Stephenie is publishing another book. Who cares about some snot-nosed brats?”

John Macklin, manager of the Barnes & Noble, is disturbed by the sight of the tents on his sidewalk. “I’ve never seen anything like this. And the cops refuse to do anything about it because they think it’s funny. I disagree.”

Meyer, when informed of the fan dedication, stated, “I have the best fans in the whole wide world.”