New York, NY: Ever since the creation of the HOV(high occupancy vehicle) lane on the Long Island Expressway, clever drivers have instigated outrageous plots to beat the system and drive in the lane with no high occupancy whatsoever.
Many have created life-like mannequin torsos, complete with wigs, sunglasses, and even lit cigarettes drilled into the mouth area. Others have used excuses such as “I’m pregnant. This fetus counts, right?”
The latest plot involved an elderly man and a life-sized wooden puppet. Deputy Harold Minten was the officer at the scene.
“I witnessed a silver Toyota driving in the HOV lane. I began pursuit because I saw that, when traffic began to build up, the car was able to slow down and stop instead of just ramming into the car in front of it,” stated Deputy Minten. “As I pursued the vehicle, I noticed that something wasn’t quite right about the figure in the passenger seat. It seemed to move well enough, but it had this ridiculous hat on with a bright red feather, and his arms looked, well, different. Kind of square.”
Deputy Minten proceeded to engage his lights and pulled the silver Toyota over. When he came upon the driver, he was stunned. In the passenger seat was a child-sized wooden puppet. What was even more alarming was when the puppet said, “Hello!”
“It was amazing! Traffic violator or not, that driver was a genius to be able to create such a puppet. I didn’t see strings or anything,” explained Deputy Minten.
Amazed or not, Deputy Minten proceeded to write the driver, known only as Geppetto, a ticket. It was then that things lost control.
“I explained to the driver that HOV rules state that a vehicle must have two or more living passengers. The puppet yelped, ‘But I’m a real boy!’ I’ve heard that line before,” stated Deputy Minten.
As the officer walked back to his police cruiser to print out the ticket, the wooden puppet opened the passenger door and began to get out.
“I saw the puppet get out, so I told him to get back into the car. He kept crying about a whale swallowing him and how a blue fairy told him he was a real boy, which is a sure sign that he was high on angel dust, or some other narcotic,” stated Deputy Minten. “He kept coming at me, and began reaching into his pocket, so I took drastic action and shot the puppet.”
Ambulances and carpenters were called to the scene to care for the driver and his wooden contraption. “If he truly is a real boy, this wooden-like individual may not make it through the night,” explained Dr. Travis Brunnell. “But if he’s just a puppet, well, who cares?”