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World Confused What to Wish Pregnant Man

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Bend, OR: The normally simple holiday of Mother’s Day was turned on its head for well-wishers of a certain family.

   Visitors to the home of Thomas Beatie(aka that “pregnant man” that was born Tracy Lagondino) and Nancy Beatie will have the nerve-shattering job of deciding who to wish a “Happy Mother’s Day” to on this first Mother’s Day for the household.

   Sociology professor Dr. Serena Lewis explained: “Let us forget the dilemma that Thomas Beatie still, to this day, has all of his, ah, her…dammit! Anyway,pregnant man Thomas Beatie still has the female reproductive organs that Thomas Beatie was born with. Thomas Beatie gave birth to a child. Thomas Beatie has a fully female wife, Nancy. This wife, Nancy, cut the umbilical cord to their child. A lot of evidence seems to point toward wishing both Thomas and Nancy a ‘Happy Mother’s Day,’ due to the tendencies of our American culture. You can see how confusing this all is besides figuring out the gender of Thomas Beatie.”

   This whirlwind of questioning has been going on ever since Thomas Beatie came out to the world as a self-proclaimed pregnant man, while most people dismissed her as a pregnant woman with a little too much facial hair. To make matters even more confusing, the state of Oregon had legally recognized Mr./Mrs. Beatie as a male before pregnancy.

   Most neighbors have been resistant towards visiting the Beaties on this special day.

   “I don’t even know what to say. I’m sure anything that comes out of my mouth would be considered hate speech. I feel like whatever I say will offend either Thomas or Nancy,” explained neighbor Joel Ashbury. “To hell with it. To fix this problem, I sent their house a Mother’s Day card with no name on the address or in the card. Let them duke it out.”

   Due to this mounting confusion, the state of Oregon has begun considering changing “Mother’s Day” to “Birth-Giver Day” in the hopes of alleviating hurt feelings for the “not-quite-totally” transgendered.

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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