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Christian Bale Denies Tirade

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London, UK- Recently, an audio tape was released to the media which allegedly features Christian Bale verbally abusing a crew member while filming the latest film in the “Terminator” franchise. According to sources on the set of the film, Bale unleashed a wave of abusive language upon director of photography Christian BaleShane Hurlburt when the latter purportedly disturbed Bale’s concentration during a scene.

   “I’m hurt and offended by this false accusation,” said Bale at a recent press conference in London. “I am a proper Welsh gentleman, and this sort of behavior is not something I would condone, much less find myself doing.”

   When confronted with the tapes, which feature a voice eerily similar to Bale’s own and laced with numerous vulgarities, he became pensive. “You’re all taking this out of context.”

   Noel Cornish, a journalist with The Guardian, proceeded to quote a Bale outburst. “Am I going to walk around and rip your f**king lights down, in the middle of a scene? Then why the f**k are you walking right through? Ah-da-duh-dah-duh, like this in the background. What the f**k is it with you? What don’t you f**king understand? You got any f**king idea about, hey, it’s f**king distracting having somebody walking up behind Bryce in the middle of the f**king scene? Give me a f**king answer! What don’t you get about it?”

   “I said that?” asked Bale suspiciously.

   “Why, yes, didn’t you just listen to the audio tape, Mr. Bale?” countered Cornish.

   “I probably meant something else,” said Bale. “Haven’t you ever done that? Said one thing when you meant another? What I probably meant to say was, ‘Mr. Hulburt, sir, you have interrupted my concentration during this vital scene and I am very displeased. I hope that you will not make this mistake again. What say we pop down to a pub after this is done and get ourselves a few pints and talk about Manchester United’s latest acquisitions? You know, to show that we are still mates.’ That’s probably what I meant.”

   The journalist wasn’t content with this explanation and offered another quote for explanation. “What about this? ‘You do it one more fucking time and I ain’t walking on this set if you’re still hired. I’m  fucking serious. You’re a nice guy. You’re a nice guy, but that don’t fucking cut it when you’re fucking around like this on set.’ What about that, Mr. Bale?”

   “Well, isn’t it obvious? I call him a “nice guy” twice. If I was really angry with him, would I have called him a nice guy?” asked Bale.

   “You threatened to not enter the set unless the man was fired,” said Cornish.

   “What I meant to say, sir, was that I really needed to leave the set for a few moments and have a spot of tea. It just came out wrong,” claimed Bale.

   “You are aware, Mr. Bale, that you are, in fact, Welsh, not English, and these proclamations meant to show a gentlemanly demeanor are actually offensive?,” explained Cornish.

   Mumbling something about “bloody racist” and “knobs,” Bale leapt from the stage where the press conference was being held and viciously attacked Mr. Cornish, knocking him unconscious with a number of blows to the unfortunate journalist’s unprotected head. Onlookers, horrified at this behavior, came to Cornish’s rescue, only to be struck repeatedly by Bale’s fists. Eventually, the police were called and Mr. Bale was subdued and led away in handcuffs.

   When reached for comment at the local jail, Bale’s only comment was, “Fuck you. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

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