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Tourists Confuse Seacrest for Clark


New York, NY: During the New Year’s Eve festivities at the illustrious Times Square of Manhattan, many international tourists were confused by the joint hosts, Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest. The confusion laid in which host was stroke survivor Dick Clark, the mumbling elderly gentleman sitting at a desk on the JumboTron, or the young blonde gentleman speaking way too loudly into his microphone while flinching at brightly colored lights.

   “It was amazing to see Mr. Clark strolling around the crowd in such cold weather, laughing and chatting New Year's Hostsaway. He was so full of life, you could barely tell that he was really concentrating on what he was saying. Once in a while he tripped up and mumbled incoherently, but for the most part, you could at least figure what he was trying to say,” exclaimed Frenchwoman Christine Flouressa. “And he looked so young!”

   “That Dick Clark had a fine time. And I was impressed that Ryan Seacrest sat so patiently at his desk on-screen and listened to Clark’s rantings as he swept through the crowd. I guess he wanted to let Mr. Clark live it up on possibly his last year as a host,” mentioned Clyde Patterson, a British tourist.

   Dick Clark had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in 2003, and suffered a minor stroke in December of 2004, resulting in his New Year’s Eve duties being replaced by Regis Philbin that year. For 2005, Dick Clark enlisted the services of American Idol host Ryan Seacrest to help with production and hosting duties. Seacrest continued his duties through 2006-2008 New Year’s Eves, with mixed reviews from critics.

   “Dick Clark may slur his speech, but at least he knows how to count better than that pretty boy,” stated Hollywood spokesman Simon Cowell.

   Due to the suspected mild retardation of Seacrest, it seems plausible that international tourists unfamiliar with American pop culture could confuse Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest.

   “Mr. Seacrest exhibits many signs that other post-stroke survivors show: incoherent sentence fragments, autotomic speech when concentrating on speaking, frequent lapses in memory, and talking overly loud due to hearing problems,” explained physical therapist Nathan Richards. “Not to mention that Dick Clark has come a long way.”

   It is unknown who will have the hosting duties next year, but it is rumored that Dick Clark’s last wishes include being attached to the Times Square Ball and dropped into the light box to ring in the new year.

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