New York, NY: Protesters of the Columbus Day Parade in New York rallied together today in order to express their disgust at what the idea of Christopher Columbus means to many Americans.

   Floats in which supporters of Columbus spent hard-earned time and money on were desecrated as they traveled Columbus Circle, as protesters hurled books related to Columbus, as well as red paint and toilet paper.

   “It’s a travesty that people celebrate the actions of that man. It’s because of him that the world has Chris Columbus Daybecome a disastrous mess. Columbus literally murdered the traditions of the world, and helped bring about a new era of hostility and violence,” explained protester Eugene Mankish.

   It isn’t all defamation for Columbus. Many of the protesters have acknowledged that much of Columbus’ work was for the good of the world.

   “I know some good has come out of Columbus’ ideas. Gremlins, The Goonies, fantastic movies. But then you get to works such as Mrs. Doubtfire and Nine Months, and you can’t help but become enraged and want to break something,” Mr. Mankish commented.

   When asked about Columbus’ producer credits for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Jingle All The Way, Mr. Mankish began screaming and throwing feces at this reporter.

   However, there is major dissent amongst the protestors when discussing what truly led to America’s ethical degradation. The focus, of course, is Elizabeth Shue’s Adventures In Babysitting.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.